Productive

Today has been a fairly productive day. I got my newsletter for July in the mail (well technically it is sitting beside me because I need to go buy stamps and then drop it in the mail), wrote and mailed (see previous insert on my definition of in the mail) more support letters, made support phone calls, began organizing my 2009 receipts, gained another $100 in monthly support and another one time gift that I don't know the amount of, and am now killing time until a dinner tonight with a family that supports me.

So all of this sounds very productive, and don't get me wrong it is. But somehow I still have this weight on me that says I didn't do enough or I need to do more. And yes I could have done more. I could have worked on the Chi Alpha database. But as far as support raising goes, I think I did all I could today. But still I feel like I need to do more. Maybe it's because there were a few people that I called and got voicemails, so I know I need to call again tonight or tomorrow. Or maybe I am just too hard on myself and don't know how to relax unless everything is 100% finished. Honestly I think the truth is the latter.

I am notorious for being too hard on myself and for always feeling like I haven't done enough. My parents instilled a hard work ethic in my brothers and I and sometimes that is great and sometimes it's a downfall. I have no problem working 12 hour days because I feel like I should always be doing something. Especially if things are not 100% completed.

I did learn over my two years in South Africa that vacation time is ok and I did fairly well at taking some. I learned there are times you need a break and you have to turn off your phone and not check email. There are times you have to do nothing! And I'm ok with that when I feel like I've worked hard enough to deserve it.

Honestly I think the reason I am feeling this so much lately is cause I'm support raising and until my budget is complete, I don't feel like I can stop working, even though this is a process and I can't get through it all in one day.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. Just a random post of where I am at the moment. Support raising is going pretty good, but it does need to pick up some since I have less than a month until the move. Wow.... that sets me back into panic attack feeling of needing to do more! Less than a month!!

Until then ......