Super Woman or just Prideful???

Ha... I just realized what my post was!!! You have no idea how excited or how relieved that makes me.

So as most of you may know I have resumed working at Bath and Body Works since my return to the States. And now for the past week I have trained to become an assistant manager. One of our assistant managers just took a co-manager position at another store and so I got bumped up the chain. I'll keep this title until I quit in August to start my Chi Alpha internship. All of that to say that for the past week I've been doing training for the new job and then I started today.

I've realized in the past week that I hate to make mistakes. Once someone has showed or told me how to do something once I expect myself to do it flawlessly every time after that. So of course in my training this past week I have taken more than one night to master the art of managing a retail store. This frustrates me and makes me feel like a failure.

This weekend Louisiana Chi Alphas had a leadership summit in Lafayette. LA Tech took about forty students down for the event. So my GPS system and I set out with a car full of students. And though I have driven to Lafayette numerous times over the years, I still found myself having to re-learn the way after being out of the country for two years. And again I found myself frustrated with myself for not knowing the way. For not being perfect. For not being super woman.

I remember preaching a sermon last year in which I pronounced to my church that I was not super woman. I had just learned that lesson the week or two before that Sunday. It was a rough lesson, but I learned it and felt a little crazy in the process. I have this tendency to think I can do any and everything that comes my way. I hate to admit I don't know something. I hate to ask for help. I hate to admit I don't have it all together or that it takes me more than one night to learn how to run a retail store. I hate to admit I don't know the way or that I don't know what is going on in politics or that I don't know every Bible story. I hate to admit that I'm not super woman.

And somewhere in the last eight or nine months (it was about that time ago when I publicly pronounced that I wasn't super woman) I have picked back up my cape and tried to fly again..... only to get choked by my cape and fall.

And this past week I finally realized where my super woman complex is rooted. Drum roll please ...... it's rooted in pride. I am a prideful prideful prideful person. I know I don't usually come off as prideful (or at least I don't think I do) but I am. I want to have everything together and hate to admit that I don't because my pride would take a hit. I pride myself in being intelligent, strong, independent, and pulled together. I finally realized that it's only pride that makes me want everyone to think I am super woman. I know and God knows that I am nothing apart from Him. I know this but yet I don't want others to know this. And I do think that there are great things in me, but only because God has put them there. But ya know God has also allowed me to be me and be flawed. My pride however does not want others to see the flaws.

So once again I find myself realizing that I am not super woman. I am realizing that I am my own worst critic and am way too hard on myself. I'm finding that I am not perfect but instead am just prideful. It's a scary thing when you stop and realize how deeply rooted pride is in your life. God and I have some big things to sort out. I fear this may hurt a bit. After all pride always comes before a fall and falling is not an easy thing. But sometimes falling is necessary in order to learn and grow.

Until then ......