His plan is better

Last night we had lifegroup as usual. The difference is that only half the group was there. My co-leader had another meeting she had to be at, one of the girls was sick, and another was writing a paper. So of the regulars it was me and two of the girls and we had a new girl last night. As I was knocking on doors before lifegroup I was greatly discouraged. I felt like a nuisance knocking on their doors and no one seemed interested in coming. Also I had prepared a lesson that I really felt like was for the whole group and now only half was going to be there. Honestly at that point I didn't even feel like being there. I was discouraged and struggling. I stopped in the hall for a moment before I knocked on the apartment where we meet and I simply prayed. I prayed for God to say and work however He wanted. I also texted a couple of friends and asked them to pray because I was discouraged.

Of course by the end of the evening it was easy to see to me that God was in control and He spoke what He wanted. It always amazes me at the words that come out of my mouth. I know God has gifted me to speak, but still the words that come out sometimes are wise beyond me. It's simply God. Overall lifegroup went really well in spite of the things I would consider setbacks. And I just keep thinking that He knew what He was doing last night better than I did. I have to trust that I did what I was suppose to do and God took care of the rest.

And even as I type this God is reminding me to examine my motives and why I was discouraged or thinking lowly of lifegroup. If I am comparing my group to others, then I am wrong. If I am setting goals and ideals and comparing lifegroup to that, then I am wrong. If I am working towards any ambition other than obeying God, then I am wrong. Even in this God is reminding me that humility is doing everything unto to Him and knowing that as long as we are obedient to Him, the rest is just details. That's still a hard thing for me to be ok with. But I'm learning in the middle of it all! Until then ......