I must say I have had a simply fabulous week. I started out in Louisiana on Wednesday morning, made a trek to Indianapolis, and then found my way to Virginia today. It''s been amazing! I'm loving the people, the driving, and the weather!! (Have I mentioned how phenomenal the weather has been???? Seriously tonight I sat out on a porch in Virginia, on a swing, in a hoodie, by a fire pit, and was still cold!!! I may not return to Louisiana!)
So I think my favorite part of this whole cross country, 3,000 mile journey, has got to be the people. It's a mix of old friends and new friends and so many more people. My reason for going to Indiana was to see my old friend Katie. I also got to see her mom and sister and meet all kinds of new folks. My reason for coming to Virginia is to get to see Ron (a Chi Alpha person I've worked with a lot on South Africa things)and get a chance to meet and hang out with his family. So he's an old friend, but his family is new friends for me, which even just in an evening is already proving to be pretty great.
So much of the time, I am not the greatest at relationships. It's true. I am amazing at keeping things surface level and lettings relationships stay that way. I'm also amazing at not digging that deep or opening up too much with new people. I tend to have old friends that are deep and new friends come and go. And I'm realizing more and more this about myself. And I'm also realizing more and more that it needs to change. This isn't a thing about myself that is great.
This week I was reminded that vulnerability and honesty lead to depth in relationships. Too often we are not vulnerable or deep in our relationships and thus we lack depth. Or at least I operate in that way. I could imagine and think of the reasons as to why I am this way, but I'm too tired to go through all of them right now. I do think two of the biggest reasons that I'm this way are my need for perfection and my dislike of confrontation. I have this massive strive for perfection all the time and so obviously vulnerability does not coincide with that. And my dislike of confrontation often keeps me from saying everything I think or feel. I don't want to have to step on someone's toes or say things people might disagree with.
This week however I have been around people who practice this equation well and thus I have had some amazing times with people. I've been around people that have been vulnerable and honest with each other and with me and you can totally see the depth of it all. It's so amazing to me. I've had conversations with people and have gone much deeper in a few days that I have with many people in the seven months I have been back in the States. I've opened up and shared much and have probed and dug into people's lives as well. It has seemed so natural to share and dig and be deep and this has definitely not been me for so long.
I've never been one to really pursue deep with many people all the time. But especially since the move back to the States, this area has been particularly difficult for me. So it's been such a refreshing and relieving time this past week to just submerge myself into that. I've missed it and it makes me want to do that more and more. And I think this is a great thing to remember and feel going into my internship. It reminds me that this is what we're called to do and I'm about to venture into a year that will require this of me like crazy.
It also pushes me to want to pursue Jesus and my relationship with Him more and more. There is something about the level of being with Him that shows us how to interact with others. The deeper we are with Him, the deeper we are able to be with others. And being so deep with so many folks this week, just makes me want to dive deep with Jesus to help me stay in this mode. He sets up such an awesome model of that for us.
I hope this post makes sense overall. I am really tired and these are some pretty deep/intertwined thoughts for me, so I'm not 100% sure it all came out in a coherent form. But I hope it did. Until then ......
No comments:
Post a Comment