As I mentioned in my last post, I had an aunt who passed away last week and so I traveled to Mississippi to do the funeral. This was my first funeral to do and it was all me. From the opening prayer to the graveside service, it was me.
I would have to say this was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It was almost as if I had to disconnect myself and just not let it hit me in order to be able to do the funeral. I knew if I started crying at any point, I wouldn't be able to finish. So even before the service as my family was spending their last few moments with my aunt, I could barely look my family in the face for fear that I wouldn't be able to go through with the service.
I usually am the kind of person of cries through an entire visitation and funeral. I guess for me it helps to process and with closure. However here I am almost a week later and have yet to cry. I hate that. I feel that I need to cry and get it over with but can't get it to come out. It frustrates me. Around 11:45 last night I was still up and feeling frustrated and so I went for a midnight run. It was one of the best runs I've had in a long time and I felt better after, but still feeling some of the frustration this morning. I hate when I feel this way. (and honestly I think some of it is just hormonal)
Until then......
1 comment:
I have found grief to be like a vast ocean. Occasionally a wave will wash over you from out of nowhere and you are in tears. The tears will come---but grief is not always only tears---sometimes it is the empty spot in our lives left by the leaving of our loved one.
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