I Am A Friend of God

A few years ago I had an epiphany. I had heard the song and phrase "Friend of God" many times, but it somehow never sank in. Then one Sunday morning in church, we sang this song and it hit me like a ton of bricks, that God was my friend and He liked to call me that. And though I totally hate to admit this, I had somewhat made fun of that song when I first heard it. I was at a conference for youth kids and was helping out. As they sang the song over and over I thought it was cute for them. Later I was humbled and floored when I was reminded that God was my friend. Not just Provider, Father, Redeemer, Savior, and everything else. He is my friend. He didn't just save me or give me purpose, but He befriended me.

I've always thought that cultivating a relationship with Christ is much the same as cultivating a friendship with a person. You have to put forth effort and energy. You have to be vulnerable and allow the other person to speak. It is a two sided effort and both parties have to be involved.

I have one friendship that I often struggle with. It's a long-standing friendship that dates for a decade and a half. And I can parallel so many things in that friendship with my relationship with Christ. Not that the two are related to each other, but that God sometimes opens my eyes to see hurts, struggles, and joyous things in my friendship with this person and then teaches me a point about my relationship with Him.

Reccently my decade and a half friendship has been coming to a close. I think this person and I have changed over the years and just aren't the same anymore. Honestly I don't think we really know each other anymore. I feel we've been clinging to the title of best friends, when the friendship lacks so much. I don't think either one of us are to blame, just time and so on. It is sad to let things go, but I think we can remain accquaitances and on good terms.

One of the big reasons for this end of an era is my friend's ability to somewhat disappear when they feel like it or just do. I can call or text or email for a month or better and get no response. I know this is just how my friend is at times because history has proven it. And when we do talk I am reassured that they care and then we carry on.

As I was driving down the interstate today and singing to the song "I am a friend of God" as it played on the radio, God showed me another thing through my friendship. As I sang 'I am a friend of God' I realized that I was as much of a friend of Him at this point as I am with my other friend. We haven't really spoken or taken time in a while. I have turned into the one who disappears when they feel like it and so on. I realized the hurt and dismay I feel towards my friend at times is how God feels towards me at times and especially lately. It hurts when a friend just disappears. And when they resurface we are assured of their love and so on but actions dictate otherwise. And just as my friend does this to me, I do this to God.

Why is it that I get so upset with my friend but yet I turn and do the same to God? God has called me friend, and I turn and disappear sometimes. And then of course I come crawling back at some point and confess my love and apologize. Wow. Seriously how do I do that? How do I confess one thing but do another. You can probably gather by this post that my relationship with God has been somewhat dead for a bit. There's no lack of love or trust, just disappearing on my part for some reason. I don't do well in transition mode and that is where I've been lately. I pull back from everyone and everything during transitions and thus I've even pulled back in my relationship with God. How badly we hurt our friends when we pull back and disappear. How badly my friend has hurt me and how badly I have hurt God.

Though this particular friendship of mine has cost many tears and heartaches, I am grateful for the life lessons it has shown me. And more than that I am amazed at how much God has taught me about a relationship with Him through this relationship with a person.

I am a friend of God. It's a bit hard and shaky to be able to say that right now. But I have been before and am determined to be a close friend of God again. I know He longs to call me friend and I am ready to answer that call. I am a friend of God.

Until then ......