I hate moving! I hate good-byes and packing and all that kinda stuff. I hate that the airlines weigh your bags, thus forcing you to leave some of your belongings behind in a foreign country. I hate the whole hassle and drasticness (I don't think that is actually a word, but this move is of drasticness proportions!) of moving from continent to continent. And I hate leaving behind people who have become some of the dearest folks in my life. This move is ripping my heart out and it's not nice. I am excited about home, but it's hard to be super excited when it hurts so bad to leave. I know I'll be back here to visit and with missions teams and such, but it's not the same. At least when I left home I knew I would move back there someday. There is no guarantee in this move. And I could say someday I'll move back here, but in the infamous words of Credence Clearwater Revival "someday never comes."
I've realized moving and saying good-bye is like getting a shot. The anxiety and anticipation of it is almost worse than the actual thing. You know how when they are going to give you a shot or reset a bone or do something that will cause excruciating pain and they start counting but then they just do it before they are suppose to. Moving to another country is like that. This week is full of good-byes and my 'last' whatever in South Africa. I wish I could just up and leave and not have to go through all this.
Yesterday was my last Sunday at Cornerstone. In the morning service I had the chance to say my farewell thoughts and so on. I kid you not I basically stood in front of the congregation and cried for like four minutes with a microphone in my hand. I lack the ability to cry and speak at the same time. I tried but all that I got was tears. Talk about a train wreck.
I was speaking with one of the older men in our church before that service started. We were both saying how we hate the way these kind of things drag on and how at some point you just want to run away. I could go to the morning service next Sunday before I leave town but I'm going to pass. I don't want to drag it out any longer. I'm gonna take that morning to finish packing and try to gain composure before the traumatic departure.
Basically it's a rough week. But no worries, I've got my waterproof mascara and it was well tested yesterday. It's fabulous! If you're considering a move I highly recommend it!
Until then.........
2 comments:
cool blog M, nice pic also!!!
i'm sure you'll be greatly missed hey... like i'm going to be going down to PMB soon, and guess what, there'll be no more M :(
One thing though, it's good to know that you're positive about the future, i myself am terrified of what's ahead!!! the thought of growing older and having to make grown up decisions and stuff... scares me to death:) but at the same time i look forward to all that change... ok, i'm a bit confused when it comes to this...
so i should probably say that someday, i'll come around to your part of the world... when that will be... someday...
Mir,
All I can say to you at the moment is I know that is hard to leave home and hard to leave a place that has become home. The idea of leaving England is terrifying for me. I have grown to love so many people. I understand also the part about your most recent blog when you talked about knowing people by their routines, habits, etc. I thought about it...and I to "know" people by those same things although I don't really "know" them.
Keep your chin up and know that no matter how far apart your are from people you have become close to you are always in their hearts and they are in yours. Maybe, just maybe, by the grace of God you will get to visit with your South African family much sooner than later after your return to the states.
My thoughts are with you during this difficult and even sad time of transition.
Love you girl,
Allenia
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